Comments on: When Did Grief Become All About Searching for Rainbows and Butterflies?

By: Sherry

Sherry — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 20:58:30 +0000

Thanks for sharing. I was a sweet, caring person before my son’s fatal car accident. Now, the only people I find any empathy for are my husband, my youngest son, and parents who have lost children (any age). I am so sick of people whining about minor things in life. The only “good” change is now I fear nothing. My worst nightmare came true – there is nothing left to fear. Everyday I wake up and count the days since I last saw, spoke, and hugged my son. I also say “D-1”) I don’t have an absolute for “D” – but every day I live is a day closer to being together again. I’m not suicidal – I need to live for my other son, but I don’t fear death.

By: Moji

Moji — Sat, 09 Jan 2021 02:20:03 +0000

Thank you for the blog and sharing your story. I lost my 33 years old son on christmas eve 2020. When I read your blog, I feel all the same feekign as you are mentioning.
Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone.

Grief that sucks.

By: Leigh B

Leigh B — Sat, 16 May 2020 15:42:22 +0000

I always come back to your blog .

It’s real, raw and honest. Thank you so much for being our voice in this crap club we’ve been forced into .

I cried reading your story, to lose your seemingly healthy precious boy suddenly on Christmas Day and your birthday 🙁

It hit home for me. I lost my 19yr old beautiful best friend daughter the day after Christmas 2019. She finished work in a mall, ran into a friend, laughed & hugged her, suddenly told the friend she felt dizzy, collapsed and instantly died. I was in the same mall but didn’t get to get in time before ambulance took her away . We still don’t know how she passed as covid has slowed autopsy lab tests down .

Thank you for sharing your journey . Big hugs to you

By: Julie Lowry

Julie Lowry — Fri, 16 Aug 2019 07:28:16 +0000

We lost our 1st little boy at 36 weeks gestation, I had 2 twin boys at 28 weeks, one made it, one was stillborn. We lost a baby right at 40 weeks gestation. I was absolutely devastated. I would be in a store and hear a baby cry and my milk would let down. I couldn’t pass pregnant women or see clothes in the store, I had to leave immediately in tears. . We had no memories that other people had of their child who lived. I remember almost thinking that I wanted a comparison of losing an older child and the babies I had lost. I didn’t want to lose another child but I wanted others to know how difficult the death of a baby is. Then 10 years ago we lost our 21 year old son. Losing my babies was every bit as hard as losing my 21 yr old. I have 4 kids in heaven. Luckily I have other children who are living. Their grieving has been so hard to help them with. The thing that people don’t realize is HOW HARD it is to lose a baby. You feel like you don’t have a right to grieve because others think that you didn’t know them. That’s one of the losses, you didn’t even get a chance to know them. My heart has been ripped to shreds many times. I have been through such deep depression . Luckily my family has been strengthened and become even closer than we were. With the Lord’s help I have been able to hang together and be here to raise my other children. I know I will be able to see my kids in heaven one day. Love and hugs to you all.

By: Pamela

Pamela — Fri, 16 Aug 2019 04:16:35 +0000

My 35yr old son died 6 months ago. I’m tired , exhausted , cry & cry because we miss him so much. Reading others stories helps me really relate to what they are saying.

By: Nikki

Nikki — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 23:45:15 +0000

I felt some hope at the beginning. Literal, physical manifestations of “rainbows and butterflies” and sunshine that I simultaneously clung to and despised, that made me feel like my little boy was okay and still aware of us, but that would go away as quickly as they came and then he’d still be gone and they began to lose their meaning. As the months have gone by, it hasn’t gotten any lighter. It just sinks in more and settles itself on my shoulders. My son was six weeks old when he died, so in some ways maybe I should, but I, too, feel no connection with the overwhelming majority of #lossmoms (I personally, strongly, very much dislike the hashtags) who experienced miscarriages, or stillborn babies, or infant loss through CHD or another anomoly that was detected on a scan during pregnancy or at birth. We took our healthy, 9lb son home. We spent three weeks under the happy illusion that we had two healthy children. When my son was three weeks old, I took him in for a weight check because he had started acting a little fussy when he was eating, and the next thing I knew I was being strapped into an ambulance with him on my lap by a herd of paramedics. Three weeks, two hospital discharges, and what felt like a sea of days spent feeling either too worried or not concerned enough later, he was fine. He was so good, they said. They sent us home with a little feeding tube and a handful of follow up appointments and some vague answers, and then he died of an unexplainable heart attack in their arms in the emergency room 36 hours later.
I feel like an island with no one to relate to, because the only people who reach out to me or that I have been able to find are the ones who tell me I’ve joined their club. They know how I feel. They lost a baby, too. It’s the same.
But it’s not. Just like losing my son at six weeks isn’t the same as you losing yours at seven years old. I have another little boy who is almost three; I know how that love and that presence grows as they do. I also know what it’s like to come home with empty arms and see my child’s things left in the places they had been. Things he had touched. Things that smelled like him. I know how it feels to feel like being alone is the only safe, isolating place for your grief, even if other people try to have good intentions. Even my own parents think, shouldn’t you be doing better yet? It’s been seven months.
I feel guilty for being angry. Guilty for feeling separate. For feeling split between sincere compassion for others, and bitterness at being told where I belong and how I must feel. All of the “at leasts.” I feel tired of being jealous.
I know I’m not ever going to be okay with not having my little boy here with me. I function fine, most days. Our therapist said my husband and I are “emotionally healthy” and “self-aware.” But the pain doesn’t stop, and people don’t see it. The hope people talk about is very elusive most days, and the grief is exhausting. And I think most people become weary or afraid of it, and I don’t want to hear or see my sweet son’s name met with discomfort or presumption, so most days it’s easier to just not be around people. And so, the loneliness goes. And it goes.

By: Kim

Kim — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 22:24:00 +0000

Your story is so similar to my own except my son was two. He had a stomach bug this March. He was talking to me all day. He had color and he didn’t appear overly sick until he was. It happened in an instant. He started seizing and at the hospital I went through the same hell as you. The brain death tests etc. I never ever thought he could die from a stomach bug that he barely showed symptoms of. My three other kids are suffering and so are my husband and myself. I’m so sorry for the loss of your son but your blog was the first one that I read and could completely relate to. I have become angry and I have learned that people have no idea how to talk to me. Their lives go on and they don’t suffer like I do. My son was supposed to start preschool with his four year old brother. This time of year is making things harder for me. I don’t know how to get through the day without crying and missing holding him. Five and a half months and I cry every day. I no longer live. I just exist. I feel guilty that I have lost a love for life because my other three deserve a mom who is all in like I used to be.

By: Deanna

Deanna — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 22:23:34 +0000

I just want to scream at other whiny women who complain about the most ridiculous things! How this is unfair and that’s unfair! You wanna compare unfair lists with me, I want to shout in their face!! Our youngest son died at 19 then one month later my husband got a job in another State! I don’t see or live with him now either. I’m totally alone in this place, I go to work and come home. I see my husband every 6 weeks for 46 hours. I hate everyone and everything! I feel like it will never end….

By: Marge

Marge — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 21:31:35 +0000

I lost my only child Matthew at the age of 29 almost four and a half years ago. I found him just before he took his last breath. This is forever in my mind. All I can say is that I hate people anymore. They are idiots. Lost some friends and family pretty much stayed clear cause they didn’t know what to say! Really! You hear all kinds of advice, as if they have a clue. One of my sons friends parents said that if we exercise, that will help! That advice was given to me and my husband a week after his passing. I agree with everyone, it just plain sucks!!!

By: Rhiannon

Rhiannon — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 21:23:07 +0000

A-freaking MEN! Just the fact you used the phrase “throat punch” made me see you GOT IT, got how i feel daily.