Comments on: Finding The Steps That Moved Me Forward

By: April Polk

April Polk — Sun, 18 Jul 2021 02:06:02 +0000

My daughter Francesca passed over April 11, 2020. She took a pill that was supposed to be Percocet. Turns out it was a lethal dose of fentanyl mixed with an animal tranquilizer called xylazine. There are an evil group of people manufacturing these pills that are pure poison. No one can survive taking them. I would like to create a group for all parents who have lost their children due to this epidemic. It is a problem that our children are not aware of. She was a sophomore at Texas state University and wanted to be a geologist and work in oil and gas. She was a vegetarian, she ran 3 miles a day, she had a beautiful smile and was the absolute life of the party and the light when she entered a room. She loved everyone and everyone loved her. She had no judgments. She has often been described as snow white. Sometimes I spend days in my bed and cannot get out to do anything. But I know she is with me and she is still alive. I want her to be proud of me, proud to be experiencing the lives of my other children and grandchildren and husband. Sometimes the pain is so raw and deep that I don’t know how to overcome it and I don’t know how to soften what I feel. She leaves me signs. She points me in directions and makes me find letters she wrote and pictures she drew and even a bracelet that she made that said always. That was our word for our love for each other, that it would always be. I wish and pray to God that this never happened, I used to pray every day to God that I never have to bury a child. But now that I’ve done that there can be nothing worse. And people who imagine what it might feel like to lose a child have no idea. They can imagine how bad it would be But in their very worst dream it’s 1000 times worse. I just don’t know how I’m going to live the rest of my life without my daughter.

By: Christine

Christine — Mon, 08 Mar 2021 02:29:26 +0000

My daughter, Amanda, was only 28. A new mother, married less than 2 yrs, never had a drink, never did drugs, very physically active, healthiest person you could meet,
no heart conditions passed away unexpectedly at work from a cardiac disrythia. sand I can’t accept that this happens. I am so lost and empty that I find myself asking why? Why would God, whom I have decided is not there, would do this. I can not come to terms with it. It’s been several months and I cry all the time. She was my best friend and now I am alone. All I think about is suicide, can’t eat. Sleep, concentrate, work, etc. Where do you turn when everything we are taught is ripped away with no warning. How do you believe and keep faith after something like this. I feel why bother. Nothing matters and I don’t know that I can make it through this anymore. I want to be with her so bad and it hurts so bad. Why??????

By: Parul

Parul — Sun, 27 Sep 2020 05:02:49 +0000

My daughter Kaira died on 22dec 2019,she had cancer and this word haunt ed me like anything. I can’t take this, I don’t believe this everyone says it happened but it’s not that to accept this. Lifevis getting miserable day by day without her. I can’t think of surviving without her but the agony is I’m surviving I can’t do anything I can’t give up life don’t know what to do except crying n crying.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Thu, 11 Jun 2020 01:16:56 +0000

My son died three weeks ago. He is 17 and was swimming in the local river with a group of his friends. Well over 200 people came out to pay respects. As people came to the wake I realized I don’t need to hug every person that tries to hug me. Especially if I don’t like them. Its ok to be honest. When someone asks how you are doing I can say I’m a mess. Going out in public has been the hardest. I’m learning to stick out my hand to stop well meaning acqaintances. If someone asks what happened, I don’t feel bad saying it was an accidental drowning and leaving it at that. No need to give details. Repeating the story is the worst part when you don’t want to be grocery shopping anyways. My son was my world. I love him so much. By profession I work as a nurse. I’m trying to fall back on what I tell families. That’s not working. But your right. Grieving is selfish and I plan on being this way. I have also encouraged my husband. I am glad I found this page. Thank you

By: Emily Graham

Emily Graham — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 21:00:15 +0000

In reply to Done.

Take it one day at a time. I would recommend seeking out a grief share group. Most communities have them, and they are free. It’s a great way to connect with people going through the same loss and get some support. I also have a closed Facebook group only for bereaved parents to share and connect with others that get it. It is called Living After Child Loss. https://facebook.com/groups/livingafterchildloss – Navigating this loss is the hardest thing you will ever do, but you must keep going. The choice you have is to continue looking for ways to honor your son, to live for and with him (because I believe they are still here with us). Ask your son for a sign that he is still here. It’s not about moving on… it’s about moving forward with him still incorporated into your life.

By: Done

Done — Sat, 02 Nov 2019 23:12:26 +0000

Hello, Emily.
I’m writing to you because I simply don’t know what else to do – I’m reaching out EVERYwhere in the hopes that something, someone, anything, anyone might be able to help me. My boy’s been gone for 3 years, now. I can’t take this pain. I CAN’T TAKE IT. I’m not going to make it, Emily, and my family’s not going to make it. That this has happened to our beloved boy has absolutely KNOCKED my family to its knees. We weep constantly. I can’t go an hour without sobbing unless medicated and then everything’s foggy and vague. We’re just not going to survive this. It’s broken us apart and I know we can’t repair it. I know we’ve got to try, but every day without my boy is just a f****** GRIND. It’s just a waiting game to finally be done with this agony! My heart CANNOT take it anymore, yet it betrays me and keeps beating. How can you even begin to answer this? I’m sorry … I just can’t hide behind decorum, anymore. I don’t have a shred of it left. I’m simply not going to make it and I know giving up can’t be the plan for me or the right path to take. But I see NO PATH and no reason to look for one. Believe me, I’ve tried forging them. “He wouldn’t want you to be like this” “He wouldn’t want you to suffer.” Well, neither do I! It’s not like I’m not TRYING! Some things aren’t a choice!
Help. Anyone. I’m ready to try heroin I swear to God.

By: Sri Lakshmi

Sri Lakshmi — Sun, 27 Oct 2019 19:49:15 +0000

My son 13years he died 5th of this month he had cancer but i can’t accept this situation i want my son back if not i want to go near my son i can’t believe i can’t live without my son

By: Summer

Summer — Sun, 19 May 2019 13:22:20 +0000

Thank you for sharing. Very inspiring. I got goosies when you said the name Ben smiles just came to you. As I have had similar experiences about book titles and keep feeling a little nudge to do something with it. I too hope to write a book or books about my boy. I am currently in a rough spot my family is moving out our house but having troubles finding a place. So I don’t feel I have time or energy but in the future its its something I aspire to do .
Anyways thank you for the inspiration to move forward in these hard times we now live. My son Rainin 7 was also sick a year and half. He had cancer. Thanks again!