Comments on: What To Say When Someone Dies – 8 Sympathy Messages To Replace “I’m Sorry”

By: Angella

Angella — Thu, 27 Jan 2022 10:30:07 +0000

I’m sorry is perfectly fine. Telling a grieving loved one why their loved one was amazing and the impact he/she had on their life is balm to a hurting heart. Always. Anything honest and heartfelt is good.

My only advice – don’t try to make them feel better because you can’t. And whatever you say will likely offend. A friend told me that at least I still had my other son. I know he was trying to make me focus on the positive but it pissed me off. I had two kids, not a kid and a spare. My aunt planned to tell her daughter in law that they baby would likely have had something wrong with which is why she miscarried – thankfully I was able to stop her – the grieving mother didn’t care about that. She cared that she didn’t have a baby any more. Just offer your commiseration. And if appropriate your memories.

By: Leigh

Leigh — Mon, 22 Nov 2021 18:42:00 +0000

There is no words you can say to take the pain away all you can do is let them
Know you are there for them to talk, listen cry with them or what ever they need and give them a hug .

By: GreenTii

GreenTii — Fri, 09 Jul 2021 01:46:34 +0000

I honestly am not offended by anyone saying “I’m sorry “. I lost a father and best friend. It hurts no matter what people say. We are all different in how we perceive things. I appreciate anyone that even acknowledges my loss. Like I said, it don’t matter as it will never bring my father or best friend back. I rather grieve in silence. But that’s me.

By: Celeste Turner

Celeste Turner — Sun, 13 Jun 2021 20:48:32 +0000

My daughter gave birth to twin boys 27 1/2 weeks into her pregnancy. I’ll call them John and Jim. Both were born in good health, but very small and of course underdeveloped. They were doing very well in the NICU until the thirteenth day when Jim suddenly became very sick. Despite the best attempts by the Doctors and Nurses, Jim passed that evening, 13 days almost to the hour from when he was born. All of our families and his parents’ close friends were shocked and completely devastated. His Mom and Dad were inconsolable, but there was little if any time to grieve because John was still in the hospital. John remained in the NICU for another 6 1/2 weeks. I cannot tell you how many people offered their very sincere condolences and then said “but at least you still have John”. I so clearly remember her saying how every time it was said she wanted to scream! Of course she still had John, but she had carried two babies, had birthed two babies, and of her babies had died! There would not be two babies getting into their two car seats, going home to their two cribs in their sweet room, going for rides in their two strollers. John is our boy who lived, but Jim lived, he was their son, and his life, however short mattered. It matters still, As for me, there is not a day that goes by without thoughts of him. It is ironic that today is the 11th anniversary of his death.

By: Merlyn Reeves

Merlyn Reeves — Mon, 10 May 2021 01:46:00 +0000

What I cannot understand is why “friends”, who know that I lost my son, my only child, in 2017 (congestive Heart Failure at the age of 50) and then my husband of over 50 years in 2019, text me “Happy Mothers Day” messages on Mothers Day. I reply to tell them this is not a “Happy” day for me and I am just trying to get through the day. I don’t need them to remind me of my losses. I think they send these messages to make THEM feel better, not me. Better to say NOTHING, please. Just let the day pass. I have stopped communicating with most of these people. I don’t need it.

For me, I have such a string of losses that I can’t rationalize how I am to continue: I was laid off of an 8-year tenure job in 2017. Three months later that year my son passed – on my daughter-in-laws birthday! In 2018 I had to put down a dog at 10 years old that we had had since a puppy., and then laid off from another job 2 weeks before Christmas. In January, 2019 my husband died of infection complicated by numerous ailments…oh, wait – “co-morbidities”- love that word. 2020 was not a good year emotionally, but I got through it. This year in January the wind blew a section of roof off and then it rained and caused damage in 3 rooms. I have been sleeping in my living room for 4 months, navigating through the home insurance claim and a string of contractors. Had to put down another sweet dog 2 weeks ago, and lastly hurt my hand when I tripped and fell against a wall, snapped my knuckle back in place of my left hand ring finger, and the Urgent Care provider had to cut off my wedding ring due to the swelling of that finger. And today I get the “Happy Mothers Day” texts! I am angry at the insensitivity of people (“friends”) who should know better, and adding my rant to this string to hopefully get rid of my anger. Heavy sighs!

Can I have an Amen!!!!?!! 🙁

By: Merlynn

Merlynn — Wed, 31 Mar 2021 14:59:28 +0000

I lost my only son of just 15 to suicide, 31 years, 2 months, 10 days & approx 14 hours ago. For the first few months afterward, I was numb. People came & went, friends brought meals & tried to distract me. The only thing that kept me grounded was my daughter & husband. They were not coping so I had to. That forced me to go back to work. My co-workers. Hi After a brief hug & a few “I’m sorries”, they never mentioned my son again. As if he had never existed. That hurt so much. Same with some buddies. I guess they thought they were saving me fresh grief & tears. That was actually the most hurtful of all & I inwardly raged at them for never even saying his name. That was a long time ago but even now I still tear up because he has been forgotten now, my beautiful, special son, Marcus One never gets over it, it just becomes less piercing & urgent but at least now I don’t feel amputated anymore. My daughter had a baby boy 1 year & 1 month after I lost my son & I can truly say that ‘a door shut in my life but God opened a window. That little angel saved my sanity I think your blog is very healing & inspirational to the people who are journeying through this ‘strange new world’ of grief and I think that by helping others, you are helping yourself. Cameron would high-five you

By: Janice Heine

Janice Heine — Tue, 12 Jan 2021 05:31:35 +0000

After my husband died, I told the funeral director if anyone ever wants to know what not to say, tell them if it starts with, “Well, at least…..”, don’t say it. Several people just said “I love you” and that meant a lot.

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Mon, 11 Jan 2021 18:19:53 +0000

In reply to Jenny Case.

Jenny:
You never “get over it” or become healed with time. You only learn how to cope with the loss better. Forgive yourself for bursting into tears when you don’t expect it. Grief is the cost of love. It changes everything for the rest of your life, and you have to do the best you can. My father-in-law said, “You have to do what it takes.” He was right. Peaceful wishes to you.

By: Pat

Pat — Thu, 31 Dec 2020 02:46:30 +0000

In reply to Cindy Bingham.

Cindy,
I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I can not emagin.
Sending prayers for you and your family.

By: Pat

Pat — Thu, 31 Dec 2020 02:32:36 +0000

Wow.. I never know what to say… No words help or take away the pain.
First my Grandpa died at 65 years okd. He was my dad all my life.
Next 3 years later my sister that was 29 years old was killed in a fire with both of her son’s Josh 5, Nathan 4,
a dog and my sister’s boyfriend. Wow…. What to say.
5 years later my grandma passed away due to cancer.
5 years later my nephew Derek killed himself a 19 years old. He took a shot gun in his bedroom and shot himself in the head.
My only sister I have left in this world lost her son to suicide. Now she is a mental health mess.
Our mother has been in depression for over 10 years.
Sorry.. Or I can’t emagin… Just might be the only It’s a you can say to someone that lose a loved one, a family member, a child…..