Comments on: When Talking About Child Loss Is Uncomfortable

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 01 Jul 2021 17:04:04 +0000

You all have made me feel normal again. I lost my youngest daughter in 2013 at the age of 12. I was devastated. How can anyone possibly understand how a parent feels after losing a child. There’s no other love like it. So, thank you.

By: Trudy

Trudy — Mon, 09 Mar 2020 13:13:57 +0000

I lost my little girl in 2009 and while that seems like a long time, it isn’t. My little girl was a special needs child which means she reached the “ terrible twos” and stayed there! She was a handful and she was beautiful and wonderful and innocent. You are right when you say that it makes people uncomfortable when you tell them that you have lost a child. But thankfully there are those close to you who will let you remember your child and who will laugh and cry right along with you. And you will be able to remember things that they did and laugh. It just takes time. My daughter was 17 years old and her name was Emily.

By: Simonetta Emiliani

Simonetta Emiliani — Sat, 07 Dec 2019 07:47:34 +0000

I love your post!!!! So true, our society is so clumsy in talking about child loss. It is what I call the double sadness: missing the person and not being allowed to talk about him /her without creating conventional sad faces.

Hugs
Simonetta

By: Emily Graham

Emily Graham — Tue, 01 Jan 2019 20:20:11 +0000

In reply to Patty Sheckler. I agree, no one can feel or understand until they experience it. Hugs to you!

By: Patty Sheckler

Patty Sheckler — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 19:58:51 +0000

No one can feel or truly understand the loss of a child unless they experience it
I gave birth to 5 children
I have lost my 1st born do to MD error and Just recently lost my 19 yr old son (the baby) do to a tragic car accident. it sucks !!! I am truly broken inside
I try and be strong for my other 3 children

By: Michelle

Michelle — Sun, 16 Sep 2018 20:57:07 +0000

I hadn’t thought specifically about the comments people make, but I do know which comments made me feel a little uncomfortable and which comments I felt more peaceful with. It’s been almost six months since my son died and I think I am just getting out of the denial stage because I am so sad now and cry so often. I don’t even care what the other stages are because I just feel what I feel. His birthday is in 10 days (he would be turning 30). I got through Easter, Mothers Day, and my birthday without him but for some reason I am really afraid and don’t know how I’m going to get through the day on his birthday. Maybe it’s because its kind of a milestone birthday and I feel like he was cheated out of it.

By: Emily Graham

Emily Graham — Mon, 04 Dec 2017 15:02:16 +0000

In reply to Ingrid. That is one of the hardest questions for sure! I still struggle with it even though I've practiced over and over what I want to say. What I always want to say (and try to though it doesn't always come out as I want it to) is that I have 3 children. My son would be 9, my oldest daughter is 6, my youngest is 2. In my mind, I've decided I want to include him because he is still my child. It's worth the uncomfortable because I want people to know he existed. I also think by us hiding it or not talking about it, we are just making child loss more comfortable for everyone else. I would rather approach it as what I need. It's not always that easy though. Much love to you as you all figure out your best way to respond.

By: Ingrid

Ingrid — Sun, 03 Dec 2017 21:53:19 +0000

Thank you for this post. We lost our 18-year-old son a little over a year ago. One thing I find difficult is answering the question of how many children we have to people that we meet. Our daughter also has a tough time when people ask her if she has a sibling. It inevitably leads to telling them of our loss. Most of the time it gets awkward, as you so eloquently described in your post. How do you handle this situation when meeting someone new?

By: Emily Graham

Emily Graham — Tue, 09 May 2017 20:18:03 +0000

In reply to Lauren @thesmilelines. Thanks for the feedback. What you talk about is the same thing! We get uncomfortable and avoid topics because we know they get uncomfortable when they come up. I have 2 friends that do "real" with me too. It is the most refreshing thing in the world. I wish more people had the guts to do it. I try so hard to do that for other people now. Much love to you!! Emily

By: Lauren @thesmilelines

Lauren @thesmilelines — Tue, 09 May 2017 19:36:24 +0000

This is an amazing post. I am thinking of you and your family.
So many things you wrote hit home for me. I lost my mom nine years ago. I know it is different, but since having kids it has been difficult for me with people’s conversations. The Grandma thing…. I find people get so weird about even saying their mother (grandma) is watching the kids or a gift was from grandma. It makes me uncomfortable they it is skipped over on purpose. I even felt lke people didn’t want to come see me when i had the baby because they knew I was upset about my mom. Eggshells. The best conversation I had was a friend who came over and just said ‘God your mom would love this. ‘. It was so real. It was so honest. I will never forget it.
Thank you for being so honest and real in your post.