Look up parental affection and you will see study after study citing it’s importance. It is proven to have a direct positive impact on the emotional, social, and physical development of children. Therefore, it’s not a stretch to say it is a requirement when trying to successfully raise well-adjusted children.

So why are people so judgmental about it?

Yesterday, actress Hilary Duff posted a picture of her and her four-year-old son at Disneyland. Instantly she was bombarded with backlash. People were appalled that she would kiss her four-year-old son on the mouth. I saw the picture. It was a sweet moment captured between a mother and son. Nothing inappropriate.

So it got me thinking about affection and children. Do rules really exist? If they do, who makes them up? Why did so many people find her photo so grossly inappropriate they felt compelled to publicly shame her? Even more so I wondered where we went wrong as a society that this type of bullying and overstepping is so commonly accepted. As parents we are afraid to do perfectly acceptable things for fear that someone else won’t like it. That’s insane!

At my house, our kids take the lead on setting affection boundaries. There is no hard rule. They simply know they never have to do anything that doesn’t feel right to them. It’s their body, their rules. That means there is no requirement to hug or kiss another family member, friend, or stranger for that matter. We don’t force them to do something they don’t want to do.

We also stand behind the concept of having age appropriate discussions with our children about affection. My oldest always told us he would never be too big (or too embarrassed) to hug or kiss us in public. Granted he was only seven at the time, but we assured him that someday he may feel differently and that was OK. He was always very affectionate and it was something he chose. I’m almost 36 years old. In the last year of my life I know I have kissed both of my parents on the mouth. I guess it’s all in how you are raised.

Ultimately, haters are going to hate. That’s their burden to bear. What bothers me most is that this type of judgement causes parents to second-guess when and where they show their child affection. That sends a distorted message that maybe affection is bad or something that should be hidden.

I don’t ever want my children to live in fear of backlash from someone else regarding how they choose to live their life. My goal is to teach them kindness, acceptance, respect, and love. My hope is that I can set a good example showing them the importance of living authentically and tuning out all of the hate and judgement.

Do you have affection rules at your house?