I am a stay at home mom. There I said it. That wasn’t so bad. Except that it was.

My stay-at-home-mom journey began a year and a half ago. It was a bit unexpected. My focus had always been on building my career in the corporate world. It’s what I was good at. My salary helped afford us the opportunity to own a nice home, take vacations, put our kids in a good school, and even hire a nanny when the kids were young. All things I appreciated immensely.

When my role was eliminated, we took it as a sign that it was time to make a change. I had envied my friends that decided to stay home with their babies. A part of me felt like I had missed out on extra bonding time with my first two. Now that my third was only months away from being born, it seemed like the perfect time. I could finally step away from the corporate world and create what I felt was my ideal life.

Expectations were high. I imagined picking up the big kids from school every day. More trips to the park. Fun outings. Being present for all of their activities and milestones. Home cooked meals. Nights cuddling a new baby in the rocking chair, no worry that I had to be in the office the next morning. Less stress because there would be more time. More time to focus on family, myself…what really mattered. Exactly what I wanted. Or so I thought.

The reality was very different. Somehow my house was messier than ever. While I enjoyed being the one to pick up the kids, it felt like the only thing I got done during the day. I realized something I always knew…I loathe cooking (like really loathe). The time I thought I would have to be more active was taken up with a baby that never slept and always needed to be held. Pure exhaustion set in. I was frustrated by the fact that we now had to really watch what we were spending. That meant an end to the special outings if I wanted to continue “living the dream”. I was so frustrated that my expectations didn’t match my reality.

The biggest surprise came the first time someone asked me what I did. I froze. I had no idea how to respond! Before, I was so proud of the career I had built. Now, I realized I was embarrassed to admit that I was just a stay at home mom. JUST a stay at home mom. It was a bruise to my ego.

How did this happen? My entire identity felt defined by the fact that I was no longer a working mom. Why was I letting myself get sucked into society’s warped view that there was no value to being at home with my kids?

I guess there is some truth to the saying “the grass is always greener”. Until you are standing firm in that pasture, there is no way to really understand how life looks from that viewpoint.

I wrestled with my frustrations for a while. What I learned is that I needed to stop being so focused on what everyone else thought. I needed to place my priority back on us and what I wanted out of this experience. Why I wanted to do this in the first place.

Being a stay at home mom is hard work! It is also important work. I get to be around to make a bigger impact on my kids lives. To teach them kindness, gratitude, and a strong work ethic. Give them someone to count on 24/7 in a world where that doesn’t always exist. The freedom to be available for every moment. The ability to put my family first and invest my time as I choose.

Those are such important things. Big things that play out in the mundane of our days at home. So to the world it would appear I am JUST cleaning up messes, wiping noses, and calming tantrums. However, I am really teaching them unconditional love. Developing their minds. Fostering their dreams. Setting the foundation for their futures as productive, happy members of society.

It’s time the world saw our reality. Not just their expectation of our reality. It’s time they stand in our pasture.