On our morning drive to school the kids start arguing. This isn’t so surprising. It’s almost a given when you get three kids in the same car. With the baby by the door it means the big kids have to sit beside each other. Too close! Pretty sure I need a car with third row seating.
Melia (4) starts screaming because Cameron (6) is putting his arm on her booster seat. She tries to shove him off. He pushes to get his elbow back on it. Melia gets her finger pinched and she starts crying and trying to hit him. Cameron is now glaring at her. Both pushing on each other and getting more angry. Then comes the tattling. Cameron hurt her finger and it hurts REALLY BAD! Then Cameron is trying to yell over her that he didn’t do it on purpose and that she is being mean to him and keeps trying to push him.
What you didn’t hear? I told Melia to stop screaming at least twice! I also told Cameron to keep his hands to himself and stop antagonizing at least 3 times. Do you think they heard any of it? Maybe. Do you think they really listened? Nope! Not a word. I even found myself yelling. Like being louder would somehow get their attention and make them listen. It didn’t.
Do you know I even heard myself say, “Stop now or I am going to pull this car over”. Ha! The moment it came out I thought, what would I even do if I did pull the car over? It’s not like I could pull them out of the car and spank them on the side of the road. They know I won’t do that.
When I was a child, my parents would have pulled the car over and spanked us both! We knew damn well they would follow through. There was this fear, respect, for authority. Today, not so much. It makes it very difficult to get them to listen. And we all know how controversial spanking is!
So how do we, as parents trying to raise well behaved children, discipline our kids? How do we get to a point where they know we mean business and they should stop what they are doing?
I know follow through is key. I also know I’m pretty bad at it. I give too many chances.
Taking things away doesn’t always work. Believe me, I’ve had plenty of times where the reaction was, “Go ahead and take it, I don’t care”. Even if they do care, they don’t show it. Or we get to a point the thing they love most gets taken away so long it no longer means anything.
Time outs really only give me a few minutes of quiet. When they come out they aren’t really remorseful or learn anything to correct future behavior. I’ve seen them go right back to fighting.
None of these outcomes are what I’m going for. Maybe they just know that and won’t give me the satisfaction. In these moments I wonder what it will be like when they are teenagers. Scary thoughts go through my mind.
Discipline is the hardest part of parenting. I always tell myself if it’s easy you aren’t doing something right.
It’s not that I don’t discipline. Believe me I do every day! I’m probably too easy on them. I need to balance that out and give my husband more of an opportunity to play “good cop”.
I need to toughen up. While my kids are pretty well behaved overall, I know they are just going to continue to test the limits as they get older. I am naturally a conflict avoider. Always have been. It doesn’t pair well with discipline. I have to do better about turning that off.
My challenge to myself is to make sure I’m correcting the negative behavior as I see it. Not let it go. Keeping in mind that right now we are shaping the adults they will become.
What do you do that works?