Embracing the Inadequacies of Motherhood

All through my last pregnancy, I imagined what it would be like going from 2 kids to 3. Would both kids transition well? How would we handle being outnumbered? Ultimately I wondered how we would adjust back to a normal existence.

Well, this week I’m getting my answer. It’s our first week really on our own. Both kids have been amazing. They absolutely love Sienna and can’t get enough. Constantly in her face, kissing her, asking to hold her. If anything, it’s driving me crazy! Our approach each time was this is “our” baby. It has really given the big kids some ownership and the feeling they are part of it, not outsiders.

Right now we are handling being outnumbered. The big kids are great helpers. And let’s be honest, Sienna is a baby. The tough part of balancing 3 kids will come when she’s older and we have to figure out how to divide our time or how to discipline.

The normal existence part…total FAIL! Now don’t take pity on me. I knew this part was going to take some time. My feeling has always been that it took a good 3-months to adjust and find a schedule with each baby. To have it all feel normal and have life resume again. We are nowhere near that yet!

However, in this moment…boy was I feeling completely inadequate! It hit me at about 5 PM. I was sitting on the couch. Still in my pajamas. Not wearing a bra. In my arms was a baby that had basically been awake all day. She was exhausted and couldn’t figure out how to sleep…or stay asleep for more than 10 minutes at a time. I was exhausted!

My entire day was consumed with feeding/changing/holding a fussy baby. Trying to get her to sleep. She wouldn’t let me put her down. Seriously, I was lucky to get to pee. Poor Cameron and Melia were parked in front of the TV all day long! While they didn’t mind, I did. Because I felt I had barely laid eyes on them all day as I was in the next room trying to put an overtired baby to sleep. It just wasn’t working!

In one of her 10 minute cat naps, I was able to get chicken in the oven. That was at 4:40. My delusional state had me believing I could actually get dinner on the table and have it feel like a normal night. So as 5:00 approached, I realized there was no way in hell it was happening! I texted my husband to prepare him that we were only having chicken for dinner. Nothing else! Then I sunk down on the couch (with a crying baby back in my arms) and kept telling myself “You are better than this!”.

How frustrating!

I’m happy to report my husband came through and rounded out our dinner with some mashed potatoes and green beans. Hero for the day! Sienna also finally went to sleep around 11 PM. Ugh! So did I.

I won’t let this get me down. I keep telling myself this is normal. We are only 3 weeks into this. It takes time, and we still have 2 months to go to hit that “normal” 3-month mark. So while I’m feeling completely inadequate as a mother. I need to just embrace and accept it. Tomorrow is a new day. We will get there!

What makes you feel inadequate?

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