An Open Letter To Newly Bereaved Parents

Dear Newly Bereaved, I remember standing where you are. The world feels different. A vast emptiness closes in around your heart as you wrangle with the idea that your child is no longer a part of this world. Your world, broken. The last image of them burning in your mind because there will be no more. Don’t focus too long on the idea that … Read More

So This Is Yearning…

child loss

My oldest daughter danced around me oblivious. My youngest daughter plotted her next great attempt at escape while buckled into the cart in front of me. I couldn’t take my eyes off the little boy standing at the register in front of us. He stood between his parents, but I only saw him. I only saw him from behind. He was … Read More

This Is What Child Loss Feels Like

what child loss feels like

Imagine a towering wall of cement blocks in front of you. It stands between you and your child. You know they are there on the other side, but you can’t see them. No matter how loud the scream, you can’t hear them. You try everything you can to break that wall down. Pushing. Pounding your fists. Angrily smashing objects against it. Desperately thrashing to … Read More

The Day I Forgot My Son Died

grief amnesia

It was the day of his memorial. It sounds funny, but I remember it clearly because it’s the only day our house was full. Some of our family had started to trickle in so the sound of conversation hummed around me. I stood at my kitchen sink absentmindedly rinsing some dishes when my oldest daughter came bursting through the kitchen chasing … Read More

Hello Grief, I Remember You Well

managing grief after loss

I don’t believe in coincidence. It is something I openly make known. All coincidence has meaning. The synchronicity of the universe is beautiful if you just open yourself up to see it. There lies all the proof you need that our loved ones continue on the other side. Lately life has been all consuming. I had 4 different freelance projects … Read More

When Talking About Child Loss Is Uncomfortable

death of a child

When you lose a child, you have a list of questions you hope to avoid. It doesn’t take long before you get good at anticipating when they will show up. On top of that list is usually, “How many kids do you have?” Meeting new people brings it out all the time, which is why my stomach is usually in … Read More

Grieving In Silence

grief and loss

There is this funk that exists. It has been here a few weeks now. I say “been” like it’s gone, but it never seems to be very far away. I don’t know what sets it off so the control freak in me gets twitchy. Searching. Trying to figure out how to manage it. I’m not willing to believe what I already … Read More

How Grief Broke My Coping Mechanism

There are things in life that make you uncomfortable. Things you really would rather avoid and not participate in. Unfortunately, opting out is not always an option. So as early as high school, I had developed my own coping mechanism. Just a simple distraction for my mind. The whole idea is based on the fact that no matter what I … Read More

The Best Friend I Never Met

bereaved mother bond

I never expected to bond with a woman I never met. The entire idea seems a little crazy. However, if there is one thing I’ve learned on this grief journey it is that nothing is crazy! In the worst moments of your life, you always imagine family and friends will be the ones to lift you up. After all, they know … Read More

Child Loss Erases The Line Of Appropriate

child loss

When you lose a child, that death turns you into a different kind of parent. Your entire family changes. The topic of death free flows, sometimes to the point that it could make other people uncomfortable. There are no lines in the sand to determine what is appropriate because that line ceased to exist when your child left this earth. This … Read More