Do you ask for what you want? My guess is no, at least not directly. What do you want? This is a question asked frequently at our house. It seems like a big question. Yet, right now it’s applied to the small stuff. That’s part of the plan.

It started a couple of years ago. I noticed my kids wouldn’t directly ask for what they want. If they wanted to try something I was eating they would say, “I have never had that before.” Or, “I wonder what that tastes like.” We’d be at the store and they would spy something they wanted. They would say, “I’m sure you won’t let me get this.” Never once did they directly ask for what they wanted.

This behavior needed to change. I wanted to instill in my kids the ability to be direct. To make known what they want and go after it. More importantly, I wanted them to learn how to deal with the inevitable rejection because we don’t always get what we want.

Something I learned in the business world, it’s important to know that no one else is going to look out for you better than you. This is a message I repeated to my team over and over again. If there is something you want, you have to go for it. The worst that can happen is you are told no. So why not ask for what you want? This same concept applies to life in general. Mom is not always going to be there to interpret and provide for you.

So, I gave the Mom lecture to my kids. I explained that life isn’t fair. That they wouldn’t always get what they wanted or even what they felt they deserved. No one is a mind reader. It was important for them to learn how to ask for what they wanted. Be direct. The worst thing that would happen? They would hear the word no. Something they needed to learn how to deal with.

At the time they were just 3 and 6. This probably seems a bit heavy. Maybe even difficult for them to understand and apply to life. Yet, we continued on.

They would hint at wanting something. The first few times I would ask, “What do you want?” They would rephrase their hint into a question. Now, I have stopped asking.

The other day, my daughter wanted to try a bite of my ice cream. She looked at it longingly and said, “Mmm, that looks really good.” I responded, “It is good.” She watched me take my next bite and she asked, “Could I have a bite?” I then offered her a bite.

Learning to directly ask for something is an important life lesson. I want my kids to know they won’t just be handed something. They have to work hard and ask for what they want. My hope is that by starting early, asking becomes second nature.

I’ve even been trying to apply this to my own relationships as I’m not always good about asking for what I want. The other night my husband commented that I looked tired. He was right. I was exhausted. It’s the normal Mom story. Up throughout the night with the baby (because at 1 she’s still up 4-5 times a night). Get up early to get everyone off for school. Then stay up late because kids don’t go to sleep at bedtime and late is the only way to get quiet time. Exhausted is my life.

As women, we aren’t always direct in what we want. Our hope is that our significant other will intuitively know what we want and jump in to help out. That rarely happens. So I decided to ask for what I wanted. A morning to skip the alarm and get some extra sleep. So I said, “Would you mind getting up in the morning, taking Melia to school, and taking the baby? I’d love to be able to get a little extra sleep.” Wouldn’t you know, when that alarm went off he jumped out of bed and took over. I got to go back to sleep. Win for Mom!

So what do you want? Are you asking for it?