Today I Failed At Motherhood

Today I failed at motherhood.

Today I failed. I completely failed at motherhood. There I said it. If I’m honest, it was multiple times. I’m not proud, but motherhood was tough on me today. They rarely tell you about this part. I feel defeated, stressed, exhausted, and ashamed.

It was a combination of many things. Not a lot of sleep. A constant barrage of messes. My every growing “to do” list. Stress. Crazy attempts at perfection. This combination resulted in a less than stellar performance by yours truly. Definitely not the best version of me.

What bothers me most is when these days happen, my family takes the brunt of the storm.

The heavy sigh of frustration. Saying things like, “Seriously?!”, and “Are you kidding me right now?” The tone of my voice raised and demonstrating my sheer annoyance. Moments of actual yelling. Walking away.

Welcome to motherhood. Water spilled all over the floor, a refusal to nap, getting into things they aren’t supposed to, a dumped plate of spaghetti at dinner (that was my work by the way). Often times these moments are spread out and much easier to take. When they come at you one after the other, you break. So today I failed.

The worst part for me was the conversation I had just had with my daughter a couple of days ago. You know one of those life lesson, thought provoking moments where you feel like you’re on the right track to raising a kid right.

Today I failed at Motherhood

It was after school. We were in the car driving home when the attitude began. This time it was hers, not mine. She demanded something from me and the words that she used were rude. I calmly asked her if she talks to her teacher like that at school when she wants something. Then I posed the question to her, “If you won’t talk to your teacher like that, then why would you talk to your mother like that? You should always treat people you love (friends and family) with respect. Let them see the best version of you.”

In the moment, I could tell she paused and considered what I had said. The attitude stopped. At least for the car ride home. However, it is a lesson we will revisit.

Today I failed at demonstrating that lesson. I had an opportunity to react with more respect and kindness than I did. To take a deep breath, pause, and be a better version of myself. They deserve that.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will try harder to be the person I want my daughters to be.

3 Comments on “Today I Failed At Motherhood”

  1. Oh, I totally understand the to-do list staring at your back while you seem to take forever to do other things or rest. My baby boy is only 11 weeks so there haven’t been many life lesson conversations that I have broken, but I have had mental battles of what to do, entertain my son myself or let him entertain himself while I get work done. However, through it all, if you have faith in Christ, by Gods grace, thankfully our identity and relationship with God do not depend upon how well we parent, even on the good days! Those rest on Christ alone! What a wonderful reminder for those bad days. Man, do we need an obvious reminder most times since the current circumstances are so real, but praise God He is watching over His children with unconditional love that He paid for on the cross for us.

  2. You only fail at mother- or fatherhood if you don’t care about what you said or did. The fact that you are willing to look inside and admit that you should have handled it differently makes you a great parent.

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