Today I failed. I completely failed at motherhood. There I said it. If I’m honest, it was multiple times. I’m not proud, but motherhood was tough on me today. They rarely tell you about this part. I feel defeated, stressed, exhausted, and ashamed.
It was a combination of many things. Not a lot of sleep. A constant barrage of messes. My every growing “to do” list. Stress. Crazy attempts at perfection. This combination resulted in a less than stellar performance by yours truly. Definitely not the best version of me.
What bothers me most is when these days happen, my family takes the brunt of the storm.
The heavy sigh of frustration. Saying things like, “Seriously?!”, and “Are you kidding me right now?” The tone of my voice raised and demonstrating my sheer annoyance. Moments of actual yelling. Walking away.
Welcome to motherhood. Water spilled all over the floor, a refusal to nap, getting into things they aren’t supposed to, a dumped plate of spaghetti at dinner (that was my work by the way). Often times these moments are spread out and much easier to take. When they come at you one after the other, you break. So today I failed.
The worst part for me was the conversation I had just had with my daughter a couple of days ago. You know one of those life lesson, thought provoking moments where you feel like you’re on the right track to raising a kid right.
It was after school. We were in the car driving home when the attitude began. This time it was hers, not mine. She demanded something from me and the words that she used were rude. I calmly asked her if she talks to her teacher like that at school when she wants something. Then I posed the question to her, “If you won’t talk to your teacher like that, then why would you talk to your mother like that? You should always treat people you love (friends and family) with respect. Let them see the best version of you.”
In the moment, I could tell she paused and considered what I had said. The attitude stopped. At least for the car ride home. However, it is a lesson we will revisit.
Today I failed at demonstrating that lesson. I had an opportunity to react with more respect and kindness than I did. To take a deep breath, pause, and be a better version of myself. They deserve that.
Tomorrow is a new day. I will try harder to be the person I want my daughters to be.